my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.
i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed
this post is one of my best by a landslide
last year one night me and my old roommates were all playing twister and mike was on the spinner and halfway through the game he kind of mumbled to himself “i sure hope im calling these right” and then everyone in the room simultaneously remembered that mike was colorblind
“beauty sleep” is such bullshit I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan
i hate spotify ads because i listen to playlists in the shower a lot and there is nothing more startling than being completely naked and suddenly hearing lebron james say “i’ll tell you what makes me thirsty”